FTSNB 7: The Many Deaths of Keiichi Morisato
by DB Sommer
Summary: Yet another Fusion That Should Never Be as Keiichi ends up with the last angel in the world he deserves.


The Many Deaths of Keiichi Morisato Fusions That Should Never Be VII

Any and all C+C appreciated. You can contact me at: the previous chapters and my other works are stored at:

Larry F's new address at:  
http/dbsommer. also Angcobra is now storing fics, at http/ At newer works at Mediaminer disclaimer: I don't own either of the series this is fused with.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Five words to live by.

Fate works in mysterious ways.

Of course, while these are five words to live by, there is an important addendum composed of six words that is even more important to saying which often gets left off:

And it frequently screws you over.

Xxxxxxxx

Life couldn't get any worse.

Keiichi Morisato stared blankly at the clock on the wall. Being forced to housesit while everyone else in the Motor Club went out to party stunk. Well, truth be told, his life stunk, so there was symmetry to it. He was short, couldn't get a date, had no money, hadn't grown a centimeter since eighth grade, had no social life outside of Motor Club events, had been summarily shot down by Sayoko, and was short. All he needed was to develop a tremor in his hand so he couldn't work on cars, and his life would be over. Oh, he might continue to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide for a few decades, help promote plant life, but for all intents and purposes it would be over.

Keiichi noted the time. He had to make that stupid call to Aoyoma and check in, as though he were a small child. He'd have been really bitter if he had something better to do, but since he didn't, it took some of the sting out of his errand boy status.

He dialed the number. After a couple of rings, a soft, feminine voice said, "Goddess Relief Agency. Please hold while one of our agents gets in touch with you." The musical notes of 'The Girl From Ipanema' started playing.

Keiichi looked curiously at the phone. For a second there, he could have sworn it said something about Goddesses. Once someone picked up on their end, (which would be at least half an hour: it was a bylaw of any company that would play Girl From Ipanema on their phone service) he'd double-check the number with them and see if he had misdialed, or if Aoyoma had written down the wrong number.

The music ended abruptly, though Keiichi continued playing it in his mind. Now he was never going to get the damned thing out. He hated that song.

A feminine voice said, "Hello, sorry about that. I was indisposed. Anyway, I'm coming down for your consultation."

"I'm sorry, I think there's been a mistake…" Keiichi trailed off as the mirror behind him abruptly started glowing, shedding a bright white light across the room. His eyes were riveted to the display as a hand emerged from the glow, followed by an arm, and the usual things that followed, namely the rest of a human being. That it was a person was a relief. If only a hand and arm had emerged, Keiichi would have completely freaked out instead of only mostly freaking out. There was a big difference between mostly freaking out and completely freaking out. Straightjackets weren't necessary with 'mostly.'

The girl that emerged was attractive, if a bit younger than Keiichi. She wore a blue and white dress that hugged her feminine figure nicely, but not too snugly. She was pretty, but not ravishingly attractive. Her hair was a dull purple. But what really drew his eye wasn't her figure, but the glowing halo hovering above her head.

"Hello," she said.

Her melodic voice snapped Keiichi out of his stupor and sent him scurrying to the far corner of the room.

The girl finished emerging from the mirror. She hovered down to the floor in open defiance of the law of gravity, just as she had given a middle finger to the laws of reality by emerging from a mirror. Keiichi was unsettled by someone that would break the laws of the universe. He was the sort of guy that obeyed the 'Stay off the grass' signs.

"What do you wish for?" the girl asked.

"Huh?" A part of Keiichi noted that was actually pretty articulate, all things considered. The rest was still mostly freaking out.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't explain why I'm here." The girl cleared her throat and said as if reciting something by rote, "I'm a goddess who's come here to help people like you, people who are having difficulties."

"Difficulties?"

"Yeah. You're a loser who, if it wasn't for bad luck, would have no luck at all, right?"

"Yes," Keiichi admitted, normal real life problems forcing out the stress caused by the newer, inexplicable ones.

The girl continued. "Well, since you're basically a good guy despite all the crap that's been heaped on you, which had made more than one person seek out firearms and bell towers, you're getting a wish. But it's only one, so make sure it's what you really want."

The pieces started to come together for Keiichi, and he didn't like the picture it formed. Could it have been coincidence that he dialed a number Aoyama wanted him to call, one that resulted in a cute girl apparently jumping out of a mirror and offering to make him a wish? And everyone just happened to be out so he was alone with this girl, who knew what a miserable loser he was? Hardly. It was obvious the guys were playing some kind of elaborate practical joke. They had hired this girl, tampered with the mirror, and had her offer him a wish. They were probably watching on a close circuit television hidden in the room to watch. Why was beyond him, though. They didn't need to go to such elaborate extremes to laugh at him. One look at his pathetic life was more than a worthy excuse.

Then a thought occurred to him. Hadn't he heard about how the year before he joined the guys had hired a stripper for the previous president of the club to wish them a fond farewell? Maybe that was what she was: a stripper they had hired to show their appreciation for all the help Keiichi had given to the club. She looked a bit young, but maybe they figured he'd be uncomfortable with a stripper taller than him and she was the only one they could find. She was extremely cute.

Convinced he had figured out what was going on, Keiichi said, "I wish you'd perform a striptease for me."

The girl's smile disappeared, and her face turned a shade of red usually reserved for rubies. Trembling, she shouted, "You pervert!"

Placing her hand behind her back, she pulled out a huge metal bat, just as tall as her, with large spikes sticking out of it. She shouted, "Excaliborg!" and swung it at his head.

For a moment, Keiichi was aware of something striking the side of his head with sufficient force to send fragments of his skull into his brain, thankfully he was too dead to feel the rest of the follow-through.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Keiichi opened his eyes. That had been quite a dream. He vividly remembered a girl emerging from a mirror, offering him a wish, and then clubbing him to death. It was the first dream he could remember dying in. He supposed if he had to die, having it happen at the hands of a cute girl was the best way to go. She had been a pretty thing, like the one sitting in the middle of his room, pouting.

Keiichi twitched. He leveled in an accusatory finger at her. "You! You're real."

She laughed hard. "Yeah, sorry about decapitating you like that."

Keiichi felt his head and neck. They seemed to be connected, and neither hurt. "I thought you hitting me with the bat was a dream."

"No, it was real," the girl assured him. "I busted open your head like a ripe melon. Brains everywhere. Luckily my resurrection spell cleans up the mess and puts everything back where it was."

Keiichi drew back, horrified. "You decapitated me?"

The girl shrugged. "I tend to panic when guys try to do perverted things with me, like asking me to strip."

"Sorry!" Keiichi bowed until his head touched the floor.

"I'll forgive you if you do me a favor."

"Anything!" Keiichi asked.

"I need to live with you for a while."

"Huh?"

She pouted "I sort of got suspended for decapitating you. We're not supposed to do that to clients. It's up to the head honcho to okay wishes, not us to crush those that get out of line, which I tend to do."

Each word the girl uttered made Keiichi revert back to his former, mostly freaking out. state. "Tend to do?"

"Only to about four out of five clients, but I always resurrect them," she added.

Keiichi tried grasping at anything to convince this thing to leave him alone. "I'm… not allowed to have girls here. Sorry, dorm rule."

The girl began sniffling. "But it's your fault I'm unemployed."

"How is it my fault that you killed me?"

"How else do you expect a girl to react when a guy tells her to strip?"

"If I'm lucky, she asks if I have fives instead of ones. Alternatively, a slap to the face usually suffices. But not decapitation."

"How can you hold that against me? It's not like I left you dead," she whined.

It was at that moment the door to the room opened, and Ootaki, Aoyoma, and the rest of the motor club entered. Aoyoma started to say, "Hey, Morisato, you didn't check in like I told you… to."

All eyes stared at the girl sitting demurely next to Keiichi. The stares became glares as they shifted toward Keiichi.

"What is she doing here?" Ootaki asked.

The girl said, "Keiichi called me up and wished for me to perform a striptease for him. The wish wasn't granted, though."

The others shot him pitiful glares. Aoyoma said, "Geez, Morisato, no wonder you have problems picking up girls if you use that line on them. And this one's practically a child."

The girl nodded. "It is perverted, isn't it? I had to beat him off with a bat."

Keiichi shouted. "You did not beat me off! You caved in my skull!"

Ootaki shook his head sadly. "What sort of girl would strip just because some guy demanded it anyway?"

Xxxxxxxxx

Somewhere across campus, Sayoko sneezed. No doubt someone was talking about her. Probably another wimp, or some rich putz she could manipulate into showering her with gifts. What she needed was a real man, one that would put her in her place and treat her like the bitch that she was. Lord knew she went out of her way, begging for someone to do it. Unfortunately all she had of late were weenie boys, like that Morisato twit, asking her out. Was she destined to always be alone?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Out you go!" Ootaki shouted as he and the rest of the club forcibly removed Keiichi and the girl from the clubhouse and out on the front porch.

"When you get settled in, we'll ship the rest of the stuff to you!" Aoyoma promised, slamming the door shut behind him.

Keiichi stared at the closed door mournfully. "I guess it can get worse."

"It can always get worse!" the girl added cheerfully. "Now, where are we going to stay for the evening?"

"Why are you asking me?" Keiichi shouted.

"Because I've been suspended because of you and your stupid wish! Take some responsibility for once in your life."

Keiichi's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine. You win. If I find a place, you can stay with me."

She leaped upon him and began hugging him with more than appropriate familiarity. "Thank you. And in return, I'll see if I can't make some other wish of yours come true."

"How about true love?" Keiichi suggested.

"You creep!" The girl drew the bat from behind her back again.

Keiichi had just enough time to feel his eyeballs explode from the impact before death claimed him once more.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Keiichi opened his eyes. "I didn't mean with you."

The girl blushed. "Oh. I just assumed since you asked me to strip earlier that you meant with me again. No offense, but you're way too old for me. It's my tragedy to be the target of any guy with a Lolita complex."

"Let me specify I don't want my true love to be anyone that would beat me to death."

"Even with just cause?"

"Even with just cause."

"You're being awful picky, but okay. No one that will beat you to death no matter how much you deserve it."

Sensing she had become eerily calm again, Keiichi also relaxed. As long as he made no sudden movements, or aimed any sexual innuendo at the girl, he thought he'd be safe. It was then a thought occurred to him. "Since we'll be living very platonically together, perhaps I should know your name."

The girl smiled warmly at him. "I'm Dokuro, the Beating to Death Angel."

Oh yes, it did get worse. Much, much worse.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

End fic

Yep, it's the worst possible angel anyone could end up being with. But then, what do you expect from the makings of Guu? 


End file.
